Investment and Stockbroker Jokes

A young stockbroker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit.

A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets.

He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, “Didn’t you tell me you are a stockbroker?” The young man answered, “Yes, I did.”

To this the tailor said, “Who ever heard of a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets?”

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A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialized in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop reads:

Artists’ Brains $9/lb
Philosophers’ Brains $12/lb
Scientists’ Brains $15/lb
Stock Brokers’ Brains $29/lb

Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, “My, those stock brokers’ brains must be popular!” To which the butcher replied,

“Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many stock brokers you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!”
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A stockbroker was filling out a job application when he came to the question: “Have you ever been arrested?” He answered no to the question.

The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was “why?” Nevertheless, the stockbroker answered it “I Never got caught.”